A few years ago, I was in a big, fat stinking hurry for some thing that I am sure I thought was important at the time. Nick was just old enough to get his coat, hat, gloves and shoes on by himself, and I needed him to do so quickly or else we’d be late for the thing that was soooo super-important that now I can’t even remember what it was.
Thanks to Nick struggling to put on his winter coat, I learned a valuable lesson that helped me be a better father- and be more effective at work
So, of course I see Nick presumably fooling around and taking his sweet time getting his jacket on. We’re running late. This thing is very important. We need to get going. So, I snap at him about his jacket.
He’s a great kid and I hardly ever raise my voice to him, so he is struck by my tone, and he sheepishly says that he can’t get his sleeve on. “Of course you can,” I bark at him as I start to shove his sleeve onto his arm. But his arm won’t go through- something was blocking the sleeve. That’s when I realized I had put his hat and gloves in his sleeve earlier that day.
Nick was trying to do the right thing, but couldn’t get past an obstacle.
I apologized, tried to make him feel better, and slowed down to his speed. Somehow it turned out ok that we were 5 minutes late for that super-important thing.
My mistake was a powerful lesson that taught me to be a better dad, but also helped me in other facets of my life.
This gets me to the point of this post.
Ever since becoming a father, I’ve learned to be more patient, more tolerant, and less of a “type-A” person. I’m far happier, more relaxed, and have learned to better separate what’s worth worrying about and what isn’t.
I’ve also learned to listen better, to empathize more, and to see things from other’s perspectives. I have a better understanding that what comes easily to me does not always come easily to others. I’ve learned how to be more precise when communicating and giving instructions, and, perhaps most importantly, learned how to help people handle change and other stressful situations. (Thank you, Nick, for making me a better, happier person)
All of these fatherhood-acquired skills and perspectives also serve me well at work. My college students usually try to do the right thing, but get stuck by real and self-imposed obstacles. They are just being introduced to information and perspectives that I’ve been focusing on for almost two decades. They have different learning styles, and come to my classroom with different experiences and perspectives. I now better understand my students, and have gotten better at reaching them. Thanks to being a father, I am a far more effective college professor.
At work, I have also had opportunities to supervise other professors as department chair, run committees, and be an informal leader on team project work. As a now-tenured professor, I have also been called on to mentor new faculty.
My work colleagues also usually try to do the right thing, but get stuck by real or self-imposed obstacles. They have different specializations, personalities and communication styles. Many of my colleagues have a difficult time trying new things or working in new ways. I now better understand my colleagues, and have gotten better working with them. Thanks to being a father, I am more effective as an informal leader at work.
I suspect many of you have similar experiences, in that the perspectives and skills you acquire as a father spill over into your performance at work. Through fatherhood, many of us have learned to be more organized, efficient, empathetic, and to better differentiate what is/is not truly important. These skills apply to all aspects of life, including at work.
Now there is evidence that fatherhood enhances and enriches us in our work roles. According to a tremendous study by the Boston College Center for Work and Family (much more on BC’s work to come in posts later in the year), in which they surveyed 963 working fathers:
64% of working dads agreed that involvement with their family gave them knowledge/skills that made them better employees
61% agreed that family life made them use their time more efficiently, helping them be better employees
82% agreed that family life made them feel happier, helping them be better employees
We almost always talk about the conflict between work and family. This definitely exists, as there is only so much time that can be devoted to each, and time spent on one almost always means less time spent on the other.
However, we often neglect to mention how our work and family lives can enhance and enrich the other (a future post will focus on how work skills can translate to successful parenting). I bet most of us are better employees because of our fatherhood experiences.
…Just remember to be patient with kids (and coworkers) putting on their jackets.
What is your experience regarding having your family life enhance your work? Let’s discuss in the comments section.
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This article was republished at the Good Men Project online men’s magazine. Follow this link to the article.
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